Thursday, January 21, 2010

That Day

January 14, 2009 will be a day forever etched in my memory. It was the day I learned that my oldest child was ....

a heroin addict

"he's been doing heroin" words spoken by his then girlfriend.

heroin ...

for a moment I couldn't breathe
I hung up the phone
I was alone

the house was silent except for the deafening scream that came from the depths of my soul
I didn't scream audibly
it was much louder than that

For weeks I had had my suspicions that something was not right. He had a history of drug use. Marijuana mainly, sometimes hallucinogenic drugs

So many signs

signs I didn't want to see

 What mother wants to see that her son is a drug addict?

I had forgotten my prayers...

"Lord God, please reveal the truth"

Weeks earlier some money had gone missing , there was a confrontation, denial ... no proof only suspicions.

For years my prayers had been the same.

Dear Lord, please break the hold drugs have on him
Lord, call him to yourself
Lord Jesus, send him strong christian fellowship
friends who will pray for him, encourage him
Lord, speak to him

Yet as the years went by the hold that drugs had seemed to get stronger
there were no christian friends in his life
his high school friends had all but disappeared

so my prayers stayed the same ... but with one more ...
Lord reveal the truth

there had been times of hope
he had lived at home for a year without incident. Working, saving money. Spending time with family.
I thought I had seen glimpses of my lost boy

then an answered prayer

Here was the truth
the truth was heroin
heroin flowing in my child's veins
blinding him to his savior
 his family
 his future
killing him
little by little
with each needle
this child of mine who carries my heart

killed a part of me too


Heather said...

Oh Tina, what an emotional post. I can just feel your heart breaking as you write the words. Such a horrible reality you all had to face and yet as God revealed the truth... He did provide Christian friends, He did break the hold that the drugs had on that beautiful boy! I am so thankful for Brett's life. I am thankful for the little boy with the big brown eyes that he was and I got to know so well. I am thankful for the man he has become and am excited to see how God uses him in the future. I am SO thankful that Brett's story did not end with "heroin addict". Praise God! Thank you for sharing your heart. You always have done that and it always blesses me.

Laura said...


These words just pierced my heart! But, as Heather says, what a miracle God has done. Your prayers were heard, sweet mamma. I know the troubles are not over...and how it will hurt until he is home and safe. But now that God has claimed his heart, so much can happen! I'm still praying for your BRett.