Tuesday, January 27, 2009
This woman had a single, insurmountable issue, and she had endured it for 12 long years. It had challenged her physically, strained her emotionally, drained her financially, and ostracized her socially.
I read those words and realized how very much I have in common with this woman. I too have a single insurmountable issue. While I haven't had it for 12 years I have had it for almost five. It has also challenged me physically, emotionally, and just recently financially, and sadly it has also caused me to a certain degree to pull away from society.
Mark 5:26 "She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse"
Just yesterday as I was perusing old prayer journals I was struck by just how long and hard I have been praying for my "issue". Yet my prayers have not yet been answered and my issue continues to get "worse".
So, what to do?
What do you do when your issue is bigger than you, is not getting any better despite years of prayer and seems to have the potential to destroy you?
You do what the woman in the story did. You reach out for Jesus!
I wonder if in the early years of her problem she was struggling with a closet full of negative self loathing soul talk? The story does not tell us. We do see though that she did speak faith to herself which propelled her to Christ and ultimately to healing.
I like that Jennifer points out that Jesus never said her soul talk made her well. He said it was her faith. Her faith invited healing.
By faith we receive truth. By faith we believe truth. And by faith we act on that truth.
When we place our trust in Christ,when we have faith in Him, He gives us the gift of His Spirit to help us in this life.
As I read about the four roles of the Spirit I was struck by the last one she mentions.
God's Spirit Reminds us of Truth.
As I have alluded to earlier I am in the midst of a terrible family crisis. I have spent the better part of each of the last 14 days in prayer. There have been days when I don't think more than 10 minutes have gone by without a plea to God.
While I can see God's hand upon my family I also see the effects of pure evil. The enemy is real and has come to my family. A battle is raging.
The day after my son left I could hardly function. I spent the day crying out to God, crying for my lost boy. There are no words for the depth of my pain on that day.
The Holy Spirit reminded me
"The Lord draws near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
In my agony fear tried to creep into my heart and as I opened my bible it fell open to
1 Samuel 17:47
I had underlined that verse years ago, I suspect during a sermon or bible study. I really can't remember as it is the only verse underlined on that page.
All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lords and he will give all of you into our hands
For the battle is the Lords!!
Yes the Holy Spirit reminds us of the truth.
I so completely believe that yes we must speak truth to ourselves and engage in good healthy soul talk and I will continue to endeavor to do just that......
Isn't it glorious to know that when there are times that we are just too weary or just too hurt to speak truth to ourselves the Holy Spirit is faithful to speak to us.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Morning dawns a new day
The sun unfolds rays of brilliant light as I gaze across the yard
My forehead pressed against the glass
looking for footprints long gone...
Birds sing sweetly
children are laughing, playing
there is no warmth from the sun
the brilliant rays are suddenly dim
The sweet songs from the birds are sad to me now
I strain to hear the laughter but I cannot.....
My boy is lost
My boy is lost
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
So it has taken me a bit to get ahold of my closet.
As I read the first chapter (I didn't post because I got the book late and rather than start behind I figured I'd just jump in on track) I found myself thinking I really don't need this study.
Today I realized that of course I need this study. Although I came to another realization and that is my thought closet is quite a mess (so similiar to my actual clothes closet ironically). My life is not very "normal" these days. While I am open to the possibility that it may very well morph into a new kind of normal for me, I really don't want that to happen.
The reason I characterize my life as "not normal" is that I am in the midst of crisis with one of my children. My oldest child has been in and out of crisis for about 5 years now and I have been in and out right along with him. At times willingly and others grudgingly but always undeniably. Tied to him as he struggles with drug addiction and rebellion.
So you can imagine the effect the recent years have had on my closet. When I first began to read the book I mostly read from the viewpoint of Tina. Not Tina wife, mom, daughter or friend or even Tina mom to wayward boy. It was from that vantage point of just Tina that I began to think "hmmm this book is not for me" I looked in the closet for condemning talk, negative talk. Nope, none of that in there.
I decided to continue on regardless of what I would or wouldn't find in the closet. This morning after reading the second chapter and the line "Each of us has things in our thought closets that we wish weren't there" I realized that indeed I do have some very negative things in my thought closet. Only these days it seems like mine completely revolve around my son. thoughts like "He may never turn from drugs" It is not only possible but highly likely that he will become a statistic"
Recently I have begun to try to encourage him by telling him that his actions and his life as it is now "are not who he is". So soon after offering those words to my precious son did I hear "maybe that IS who he is"
Along with these terribly scary thoughts come the memory of every sad story of a life cut short by drugs I have ever seen on television or read of in a magazine or newspaper. My thought closet can be a very dark foreboding place these days. Oh how I wish those thoughts weren't there!!
So, as I look in the closet the only thing I see are some cold hard truths. All of those things I just mentioned are indeed true. Truths I don't want to hear. Jennifer writes "You can't remove those hurtful thoughts, words, and memories, but by the power of God, you can drain them of their potential control over you"
One of my fervent prayers over these last few years has been for wisdom. I do believe God has been faithfully answering that prayer. I have not often felt at a loss of what to do but have more often just struggled with the pain of the situation. Obviously much of the struggle comes with my thought life.
Just because something is true does not mean I need to dwell on it. "Wise and truthful words are never wimpy or without power. They have authority. I believe it is time for me to do some serious relabeling.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
So, I'm upstairs in my room getting ready to tackle some cleaning when I hear a LOUD unidentifiable noise.
The noise is followed by an even louder noise which turns out to be Paul yelling at Blake.
upon investigation I discovered that Blake has inadvertantly wrecked my car.
Yes, my way cool 2007 blue Nissan Altima. You know.....the one that makes me feel like a rock star every time I drive it. Even though deep down I know rock stars don't drive Altimas
It seems as though when he parked the car he felt it was too close to Pauls car so he tried to back out and re-park to give himself more room and in doing so he got too close to the garage door and it hooked the bumper. Why he continued backing out once he heard the noise is unknown at this point.
Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars.
As you can imagine it took Paul the rest of the evening to calm down, not without first berating Blake, ranting, snapping at me and fuming for a time. I don't suppose he will sleep well tonight. Even though I am happy to report he did manage to take a break from his snit to talk to Blake once I let him know that he (Blake) was pretty busted up over it.
Why is it that men (or maybe its just my man) get so torqued up over stuff like this?
Broken cars, leaky washers, football?
Yet, life issues like wayward boys, teen rebellion, and the general angst that comes with raising kids seem to just roll off them like water off a duck's back?
Its just a car, it will get fixed.
No malice, he wasn't speeding, driving while texting, or doing any number of stupid things kids his age are prone to do that cause accidents thank God.
No catastrophe..... just a bummer.