Thursday, February 18, 2010

time to regroup

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately.
A year ago my world came crashing down around me through the drug addiction and subsequent arrest and incarceration of my oldest child.
I have written a great deal about it.
Mostly it has been scattered thoughts, some poetry here and there but overall it has been rather disjointed.

Brett and I pray that some day God will help us tell our story. It is one that is full of pain but also grace, mercy, redemption, and love. Right in the middle of it all is Jesus. I have started another blog in which to begin telling my side of it all. You can find it here .

I am hoping to continue to write about other things here as that was my original intent. This past year has been difficult and I have spent much of it alone, in prayer, in tears, and also sleeping!  It has been a time of rest, of strengthening, of seeking. I have cast off my mourning clothes. It is time to live, to hope, to dream again.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


This came in the mail today, written by Brett ... I am so happy he is writing again. Now with a clear mind.  I have various notebooks, journals, and scrap notes of his that I have collected over the years as he was in and out of our home. Sometimes they are hard to read. The influence of drugs painfully evident, yet as I pour over them I  see flashes of brilliance, little bits of the boy I knew and glimpses of the man I knew he could be. He told me it is a rough draft and he wants to work on it some more but I wanted to post it anyway and he said that would be fine so here it is ....

make way I say!
make way I scream!
it's the march of the damned 
it's the dead souls parade!

the onlookers now,
they don't seem quite so brave
as the troupe marches on
trailing footprints in flames

pray that I'm not lost
rubber necked with wide eyed wonder
I'm resistant to the cross 
knowing well my soul's to sunder

the crowd looking on 
thinning quick
friends are gone
I'm fading sick

my eyes search the black robed mass
for and end, a heel to death's repast
I know, I feel
as hope fades fast
no end in sight
hope dies at last

pray that I'm not lost
rubber necked with wide eyed wonder
broken before the cross
knowing well my soul's to sunder

my feet shuffle forward
I'm pulled into the throng
inside, outside I'm screaming
this life turned out all wrong

but now I see I'm lifting
as I leave the ground behind
towards death the mass keeps drifting
but tears of joy have left me blind

knowing I'm not lost
angelic applause roars like thunder
I'll kneel before the cross
eternally filled with wide eyed wonder