Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Chapter 2 Renewing Your Thought Closet
So it has taken me a bit to get ahold of my closet.
As I read the first chapter (I didn't post because I got the book late and rather than start behind I figured I'd just jump in on track) I found myself thinking I really don't need this study.
Today I realized that of course I need this study. Although I came to another realization and that is my thought closet is quite a mess (so similiar to my actual clothes closet ironically). My life is not very "normal" these days. While I am open to the possibility that it may very well morph into a new kind of normal for me, I really don't want that to happen.
The reason I characterize my life as "not normal" is that I am in the midst of crisis with one of my children. My oldest child has been in and out of crisis for about 5 years now and I have been in and out right along with him. At times willingly and others grudgingly but always undeniably. Tied to him as he struggles with drug addiction and rebellion.
So you can imagine the effect the recent years have had on my closet. When I first began to read the book I mostly read from the viewpoint of Tina. Not Tina wife, mom, daughter or friend or even Tina mom to wayward boy. It was from that vantage point of just Tina that I began to think "hmmm this book is not for me" I looked in the closet for condemning talk, negative talk. Nope, none of that in there.
I decided to continue on regardless of what I would or wouldn't find in the closet. This morning after reading the second chapter and the line "Each of us has things in our thought closets that we wish weren't there" I realized that indeed I do have some very negative things in my thought closet. Only these days it seems like mine completely revolve around my son. thoughts like "He may never turn from drugs" It is not only possible but highly likely that he will become a statistic"
Recently I have begun to try to encourage him by telling him that his actions and his life as it is now "are not who he is". So soon after offering those words to my precious son did I hear "maybe that IS who he is"
Along with these terribly scary thoughts come the memory of every sad story of a life cut short by drugs I have ever seen on television or read of in a magazine or newspaper. My thought closet can be a very dark foreboding place these days. Oh how I wish those thoughts weren't there!!
So, as I look in the closet the only thing I see are some cold hard truths. All of those things I just mentioned are indeed true. Truths I don't want to hear. Jennifer writes "You can't remove those hurtful thoughts, words, and memories, but by the power of God, you can drain them of their potential control over you"
One of my fervent prayers over these last few years has been for wisdom. I do believe God has been faithfully answering that prayer. I have not often felt at a loss of what to do but have more often just struggled with the pain of the situation. Obviously much of the struggle comes with my thought life.
Just because something is true does not mean I need to dwell on it. "Wise and truthful words are never wimpy or without power. They have authority. I believe it is time for me to do some serious relabeling.