That Day

January 14, 2009 will be a day forever etched in my memory. It was the day I learned that my oldest child was ....

a heroin addict

"he's been doing heroin" words spoken by his then girlfriend.

heroin ...

for a moment I couldn't breathe
I hung up the phone
I was alone

the house was silent except for the deafening scream that came from the depths of my soul
I didn't scream audibly
it was much louder than that

For weeks I had had my suspicions that something was not right. He had a history of drug use. Marijuana mainly, sometimes hallucinogenic drugs

So many signs

signs I didn't want to see

 What mother wants to see that her son is a drug addict?

I had forgotten my prayers...

"Lord God, please reveal the truth"

Weeks earlier some money had gone missing , there was a confrontation, denial ... no proof only suspicions.

For years my prayers had been the same.

Dear Lord, please break the hold drugs have on him

Lord, call him to yourself

Lord Jesus, send him strong christian fellowship

friends who will pray for him, encourage him

Lord, speak to him

Yet as the years went by the hold that drugs had seemed to get stronger

there were no christian friends in his life

his high school friends had all but disappeared

so my prayers stayed the same ... but with one more ...

Lord reveal the truth

there had been times of hope

he had lived at home for a year without incident. Working, saving money. Spending time with family.

I thought I had seen glimpses of my lost boy

then an answered prayer

Here was the truth
the truth was heroin
heroin flowing in my child's veins
blinding him to his savior
 his family
 his future
poison
killing him
little by little
with each needle
this child of mine who carries my heart

killed a part of me too

My son

I don't know how many people will read this but I know God is sovereign and He has used many a blog of strangers to bless me this year for sure. I've been away recently from blogging as I continue to find my way on this difficult road I'm on. It has been much easier of a journey lately as God has answered my prayers with strength, faith and love in abundant measure. I posted this note on my facebook today to family and friends but thought I would re-post it here as well. Christmas is a time when we all love to give gifts from our hearts to our family and friends. This year I am limited in what I can do for Brett as he is in jail. One thing I can do is to encourage his friends to reach out to let him know they care. One of the things I have learned on this journey is that people many times do or say nothing for fear of offending, they think of the person in crisis and pray for them but often do not take that extra step to say "I'm thinking of you" . I have done that many times in the past myself and will look at people in crisis with new eyes from now on. So, this is my small gift to my son this Christmas if God lays it on your heart please send him a Christmas greeting and a prayer of good will. It will surely bless him and me.

For all my facebook friends

I'm sure by now many of you know that my son Brett is currently in jail. It is my fervent prayer that some day he and I will somehow be able to share in written or spoken word the story of God's mighty power, His deliverance, forgiveness and grace as it has played out in our lives and the lives of our family this year.

This Christmas season is bittersweet for us as we are all missing Brett. As a family we have always had wonderful holiday traditions as I am sure many of you do as well. His absence will be the part that is bitter but the sweetness of knowing he is alive, free of drugs, and walking with Christ daily is surely taking the sting out of that.

I want to share his address here for those who would like to send him a letter or Christmas card. I know that often people feel awkward in these types of situations. Please don't, something I have learned .. anyone in jail or prison would love to get a letter from anyone!! Daily life in jail is quite monotonous. Brett is the same lovable, optimistic, fun guy he has always been. We laugh all the time when we visit and talk on the phone. We have had some hard times this year to be sure but they are behind us and the future looks bright.

For those who are in Christ that are reading this note I ask that you please pray for Brett and our family that God would continue to draw him close and strengthen him and us as we continue on this path. For those who aren't sure whether or not they truly know Jesus Christ it is my sincere prayer that you will seek Him with your whole heart, for I know if you do that then you will find Him. For He is the reason for this glorious season of joy! Romans 10:9-10

Brett Theroux 0024976

Hampton Roads Regional Jail 3-5

P.O. Box 7609

Portsmouth, Virginia 23707

May God Bless you each one this wonderful holiday season

In His perfect love,

Tina