From My Utmost for His Highest. "The entire human race was created to glorify God and to enjoy Him"
The scripture reference is from Isaiah 49:5
And now the Lord says - he who formed me in the womb to be his servant ....
Not too long ago I found myself on my face before God. My life was in utter turmoil. My oldest child had become hopelessly entangled in drug addiction. In turn, my life was entangled right along with him.
It is one thing to seek to glorify God when all in your life is good and calm. It is entirely different when life turns on you. When a cherished child is overtaken by pure evil.
I had been praying for Brett for five long years. My prayers never wavered. "Oh God please break the hold that drugs have on Brett's life" Lord please draw Brett close to you" and Lord please bring strong christian fellowship into his life, friends who will pray for him and encourage him"
After five years of praying for those three things I saw Brett's drug addiction turn from marijuana to heroin. I saw him turn away from the word of God as I tried to share it with him. His only friends were drug dealers and fellow addicts. After a brief stay here I watched helplessly one cold cold winter day with no shoes or coat as he walked out of this loving home back to a life of drugs.
I was on my face. Literally, on my face on the floor of my bedroom. The house was silent, Paul was at work, the boys at school. Life was continuing. I could not.
Romans 8:26
"In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
The Holy Spirit reminded me of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane.
Mark 14:34 -36 My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, he said to them. Stay here and keep watch. 35 going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36 Abba Father, he said "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.
It was then that I knew "Not my will but yours" .... But Lord! I don't want to lose him! Please Lord save him! "Not my will but yours"
Many things have happened since I prayed those prayers. There have been times of uncertainty, times of intense sorrow. Those prayers I prayed for Brett for five years have been answered. He is no longer doing drugs, a godly young pastor visits with him regularly, he is seeking God daily in prayer and bible study. I pray now for mercy in sentencing. I pray for safety in jail. I pray that God will give him a vision for his future, a future with Jesus.
How do I glorify God? I continue to pray .... I step aside ...... Whatever may come I praise His Holy name.
4 comments:
I'm praying with you, Tina. How to let go of a child in this situation? You are so brave. God is there. I see Him in you.
Oh Tina! Thank you for sharing your heart with the rest of us. I agree with Laura - I see God in you. Brett has been on my mind all summer, especially when I was MIA from blogland. I'm so happy to hear he has continued on the path he had just started when I "disappeared". The thought of jail has to be overwhelming to all of you. For what it's worth, I have SEVERAL friends who found jail a place to step out of life long enough to reflect on where they had been and where they wanted to go. Most jails these days promote access to 12-step recovery groups. Whatever plan God has for your beloved, I pray He continued to protect and mold Brett. I'm including Mama in those prayers, too. Love ya,
Gail W.
PS: I had a blog site crash last week. For now, you can find me at www.job1925helives.blogspot.com. Stop by whenever you can - I know you're in a whirlwind at the moment:)
Oh my, Tina. I've always believed that our faith is strengthened in our trying times, and if that's true than your faith is stronger than mine could ever be. Continued prayers that God will work wonders in Brett's life.
Dear Tina,
My Pastor recently did a sermon on what our purpose here is.
One of the key main points was that we are here for God to delight in us, and for us to delight ourselves in Him.
It was so powerful!
You are right. I wish my relationship with God had the same passion that my love for my kids has, or the love and care I have for my dearest friends, or for my husband.....
This has been a long road you are on. I am so honored that you share it here with us! Thank you that you share the good and the bad, the easy and the hard... the pretty and the "not so much" of your life.
It's never easy to be that transparent, but it opens doors for others to see they aren't alone.
Praying for you!
Love,
Heather
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