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This came in the mail today, written by Brett ... I am so happy he is writing again. Now with a clear mind.  I have various notebooks, journals, and scrap notes of his that I have collected over the years as he was in and out of our home. Sometimes they are hard to read. The influence of drugs painfully evident, yet as I pour over them I  see flashes of brilliance, little bits of the boy I knew and glimpses of the man I knew he could be. He told me it is a rough draft and he wants to work on it some more but I wanted to post it anyway and he said that would be fine so here it is ....

make way I say!

make way I scream!

it's the march of the damned 

it's the dead souls parade!

the onlookers now,

they don't seem quite so brave

as the troupe marches on

trailing footprints in flames

pray that I'm not lost

rubber necked with wide eyed wonder

I'm resistant to the cross 

knowing well my soul's to sunder

the crowd looking on 

thinning quick

friends are gone

I'm fading sick

my eyes search the black robed mass

for and end, a heel to death's repast

but

I know, I feel

as hope fades fast

no end in sight

hope dies at last

pray that I'm not lost

rubber necked with wide eyed wonder

broken before the cross

knowing well my soul's to sunder

my feet shuffle forward

I'm pulled into the throng

inside, outside I'm screaming

this life turned out all wrong

but now I see I'm lifting

as I leave the ground behind

towards death the mass keeps drifting

but tears of joy have left me blind

knowing I'm not lost

angelic applause roars like thunder

I'll kneel before the cross

eternally filled with wide eyed wonder

Trusting

My dear friend Heather was listening to K-LOVE radio and described a challenge they were talking about.

The challenge was to come up with one word that you would want to describe your life for this coming year.

Her word is faithful.

you can read about it here

At the end of her post she asks "what is your word?"

That one was an easy one for me

Trusting

As I look ahead I see so much to come
My children are spreading their wings

one will go off to college in the fall

the youngest will have a drivers license

My daughter will be graduating from college, applying to medical school and possibly joining the military

Our prodigal son will be returning home from jail to begin the process of learning to live sober, drug free

As I look behind me I remember the great pain that came with last year ....

Oh these children of mine

they walk around each day carrying with them pieces of my heart

Do they know?

Do they see how tender, how fragile my mother heart is?

How it aches with each disappointment they face
each time they stumble and fall
I am there
falling, hurting
right along with them

As I write these words I think of  Jesus
"he wept"
tears of grief
of anger, indignation
at the consequence, the destruction that  sin brings
for those He loves
Mary, Martha, Lazarus ....

you
me

I carry Him with me every day
for each triumph
He smiles with me
for each heartache
He weeps with me

He holds my mother heart in His hands

and there I trust ....