Motherhood

Before I had children I used to wonder what it would be like.

Of course you know that you will love them but truth be told..

You have no idea. None really, of the sheer depth of emotion that takes you the moment that baby is in your arms and never lets go.

The emotions gradually give way as life goes on and the monumental task that is "raising children" begins.

Oh the emotions are there, they may fade to the background but they never really disappear. With every wonderful first....

The first real smile, first laugh, first step, first words..... Oh to hear your baby say "mama"!

But, before you know it, the mundane tasks associated with child rearing have a way of becoming work rather than a joyful process.

After all, not so much joy in a screaming tantrum when you are four deep at the grocery check out with two weeks of food to be purchased. Did I mention the migraine that can sometimes accompany the tantrum?

Nothing joyful about loaded diapers, spit up, and runny noses.

Then it's on to the elementary years of gymnastics, swim lessons, cub scouts, Little League, PTA, science projects, book fairs, teacher gifts, fund raisers, .....

Suffice to say that for years your life is a little chaotic to say the least!!

Then come the teen years....

Those scary teen years that the very thought of is enough to make even the most confident of us quiver right in our mini vans or for the really cool moms SUV's

Because after all we were all teens once ourselves.

Joy, Fear, Anger, Love, Hope, Doubt, FRUSTRATION!

Every emotion known to man will be woven together with all the sheer hard work, blood, sweat, and tears that make up motherhood to form a beautiful tapestry that is your life.

I love my tapestry.

It is heavy, it is complex, it is beautiful.

It is my own.

The Sky is Falling...Or is it??

I'm all about being a good steward of our home but I must say...

That I find it a bit ironic that many of the chicken littles
who are worried silly that the earth is not going to be around for their grandchildren are the same people who wholeheartedly believe that the earth and universe all began with a big BANG and has been in existance for Billions mind you not Millions but BILLIONS of years....

They are convinced that man is really going to screw it all up in a hundred years or so???

Go figure

I need a nap

Helen Keller once said...

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,ambition inspired, and success achieved.

I still think I need a nap!

Trees

early in the morning a moment of quiet before I head to work.

I like to sit on my deck and look at my trees....
I'm not even sure what kind of trees they are
I know one is an oak, it's huge!

I Love the trees...my trees!

I Love looking at them in the summer so full, lush, varying shades of green.
Even in the winter when they are bare, there they stand.... stoic and strong.
In the spring they are covered with tiny buds....the hope of warm weather to come.

In the fall they become Paul's trees as they shed their leaves.
All ten million of them!!

Actually I don't mind so much
Raking can be very theraputic...and tiring...as well as muscle building or for those of us that are in the over 40 set, muscle paralyzing!!

I digress...

As I was sitting on the deck last week pondering the frailty of life
it ocurred to me that my trees withstand all kinds of hardships... rain,insects,birds,(woodpeckers) drought,wind, extreme cold.

Sometimes the wind snaps branches, the drought can certainly stress them... I could even cut one down, seeming to kill it but in time shoots would appear.

As I was thinking about the strength of my beautiful trees I thought of God.

Creator of all things

If you look for him.... he is everywhere... Just as my trees can withstand so much.

I can too.

He cares for the lilies of the field, he cares for my trees

and he cares for me.

Friendship

Oh, The comfort...the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts
Nor measure words...but pouring them
All right out...just as they are...
Chaff and grain together
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them
Keep what is worth keeping
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away


Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

Wisdom

It is not wise to put on tight pants so soon after applying lotion to your legs.



were you thinking it was going to be profound given the title?


a bit of wisdom none the less

Who's the Alpha?

My dog Jack and I are engaged in a battle. Who's the Alpha? I like to think I am but then again so does he. When we go for our morning walks who gets out the door first? Who dictates where we will go? When we will stop? I suspect if there are any PETA members living in my neighborhood they are keeping a close eye on me because to a casual observer I may very well look like I am abusing the poor thing dragging him about.

I used to think that the poor little fella just couldn't keep up because he would come to a screeching halt throw his little head back and refuse to budge. Good thing that he is a small terrier and not a Great Dane. After experiencing several of these little tantrums I realized it wasn't that he was too tired or too hot. He just didn't want to walk where I was walking.

According to Ceasar Milan aka "The Dog Whisperer" I need to be the Alpha and lead Jack. He goes where I go, when I go, and for as long as I go. So, our walks are a work in progress. Some days are better than others I think I am winning the war if not every battle.

Ultimately it is for his good, I don't think he could handle the power of being the Alpha it would most certainly go to his little wiry haired head. I can only imagine; poor Hobbs (our cat) would probably never eat again as he would surely eat all of her food as he tries to do this daily. (Given her girth this would probably be a good thing in the short term but alas that's another pet blog.)

I'm sure he would disable the electronic fence. Pandemonium! He'd run the neighborhood oh I can see him now, running with the huskies down the street. Harassing the fenced dogs, chasing cats, cars, and kids!

Oh no siree! I really need to be the Alpha.....for Jacks sake.

Hidden Treasure

Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

As I have endeavored to get fit in an effort to age gracefully I have taken up walking. I used to walk in the evenings but I've recently discovered (much to my non-morning self's amazement) the joy of the early morning walk! There is generally not much traffic, it is cooler, and best of all, my exercise quota is filled before my day begins!

I usually take along my ipod as it makes the time go by quicker. Today though, I walked in silence and took the time to pray. What an awesome privilege we have in Christ, to be able to go before the God of the universe as His child. I walked and talked with God for about 45 minutes.

These have been troubling times for me as I have had some serious struggles with one of my children. Not the easy time out, sentences, or "your grounded" kind of troubles but the gut wrenching, sleepless nights, is life ever going to be right again? kind of troubles.

As I was wrapping up pouring my heart out to my Heavenly Father these words just popped into my consciousness "I have loved you with an everlasting love" "I know every hair on your head" "I knit you together in your mothers womb". It was like God reached down from Heaven and gave me a hug.

Do you remember being little and sad or troubled when all was set right with a hug from mom or dad?...... Like THAT!

My God is so many things,He is a Mighty King, Sovereign Ruler, Creator, Provider, so much that I cannot even comprehend but he is my Father! oh how blessed am I!!

Growing Up

My daughter is looking and acting more and more like a grown up. Funny how less and less I feel like one.

Why Tinker?

I was stumped for a bit. Trying to think of a name for my blog. Finally I decided. I was thrilled to have come up with it actually. As I happily started putting it together one of the kids strolls by the computer. "Hey Joel, check this out" "Look at my blog". "Geez mom isn't that a bust on dad?" Figures! No, it's not a bust on dad! My name is not Tinker anymore but I am still a part of the Tinker family, as I'm arguing my point Lindly agrees with Joel. AHA! So Lindly, once you get married are you going to cease to be part of our family? Hmmmm "No, I guess not."......Vindication!!
I married at 19. So young because I just happened to find my other half then. I was not one of those little girls who dreams of a fairy tale wedding, nor did I give it much thought until it was actually upon me. I did, however have dreams of being on my own, having some kind of fabulous career, maybe traveling... Amazing how life can turn out so different than we intend sometimes.
So at 19 I became one half, bound forever to the funniest, smartest, coolest person I had ever come across. The very best thing about being married to Paul is the laughter. He has always made me laugh. Not just a giggle here and there but great big belly laughs on a very regular basis. I think it was then that I kind of left a part of who I was behind as I sought to become one with Paul. That's what marriage is, blending, becoming, giving and taking.
I am so happy to say that after 23 years I do truly feel one with him. I see our marriage as a gift from God. I have left behind parts of me that needed to go. I think I am less selfish because of his example. I have lightened up quite a bit and can laugh at myself more now than then.
Overall I think I have taken the best parts of Paul and made them mine. I hope he can say the same.
These days I find myself thinking of the younger me, the girl who was spontaneous, a bit of a spitfire, adventurous. While I love who I have become in this wonderful family Paul and I have made there is a tiny little part missing. That is Tina Tinker and this blog along with other things on the horizon is a part of bringing her home. Hence the title of the Blog.

On being little

Yesterday while at work a co worker of mine commented on how little I am. I can't say this is the first time someone has commented on my stature. While I've become somewhat accustomed to remarks like this it always disarms me a bit. I don't see myself as little. I never have. Even when I was a child and the smallest in my classroom. (although by the fourth grade there was usually someone smaller than me).

It has caused me to ponder the whole self image thing. Does anyone really see themselves as they are? I've tried to look objectively at myself since and you know what? I still don't see "little".

It's Late

This is fun, even though it's late. I should be in bed. I still have to make time for cookies and milk. That makes it even later! Oh well, some things are worth it and this is one of them. The beginning of finding me.